just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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