Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
