why didn't you poke me back
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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