why didn't you poke me back
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
