he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
