hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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