Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Let's get the cat blown out
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
