I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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