dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
