Someone shit on the floor
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
