Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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