some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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