You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
