I bet he comes in French.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
