So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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