Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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