Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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