he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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