I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
