the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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