whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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