hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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