I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
