I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
