I wanna bring you to show and tell
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
