I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
