This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
