I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
These tits shall not be calmed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
