That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
