I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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