Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
