Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
