there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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