I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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