If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
