What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
