I'm lost and stupid without you.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
