just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I fill condoms, not promises.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
