I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
