I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
