Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
