Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
