Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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