Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
