I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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