I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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