the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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