it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
