Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
