dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
